E' da poco passata mezzanotte e vorrei dormire. Invece sono sul letto con gli occhi sgranati e una nuova, spietata e accanita crisi di emicrania. Con la mia quasi giornaliera dose di indometacina, mi immergo tra le lenzuola appena cambiate, con la gatta in fondo al letto che ulula invece che miagolare, quasi per rimproverarmi di averla lasciata sola da stamani. Domani andrò di nuovo in macchina, consapevole di non farcela ad alzarmi alle sei per prendere il treno e già mi chiedo come farò a fare lezione con questo peso sulla testa che da giorni sembra non volermi lasciare tranquilla. Eppure, nonostante my headache, back and merciless fierce, today marks a small step. I can concentrami on the things that make me feel good, that make me smile, and try to weed that thickened lump of pain and concerns that have been able to add to the suffering for the death of my mother. I was given a healthy gathering in a room of the library, to recover strength and concentration, I let myself go to a pupil with an unusual confidence that compensates my sacrifices and rewards my efforts, I dropped a big dinner and watered by a fine wine company in hilarious, I enjoyed the trip back from Grosseto in pleasant solitude, a prey to my many thoughts. Today I was good: if I had to do the "profane," as I apostrophised my boys, Give me a nice "half past seven." Today I realized that this effort to take away too many thoughts, anger, expectations and questions is merely seeking to survive and unplug it from years of violent and acute pain and sorrow I have finally convinced that really does not make sense be harnessed in a thousand networks, enveloped by new concerns, discovered with surprising skill, Stan from a time now in Evaporative pleasant memories. It will not be that conatus sese conservandi "Spinoza was talking about the good, the instinct to preserve his own being and the preservation of himself? I hope that reflections of these days, generating painful decision, inaugurate a new love for my soul, an instinct for protection that I can not ask others if not myself, a search of shelter from unnecessary concerns that I owe to Barbara today, already so heavy. Tonight I would vomit from the pain of this headache, but I can not. Goodnight everyone.
"Stay well, reeling in nothing
keep the memories, caress the age
is a stall or a rejection of cruel and irresponsible
right to happiness
If you are there what are you? What you think and why?
do not know, not You know, we're here or away?
be all, for a moment, but inside you
have everything but not tomorrow "
Francesco Guccini, Lyric As Usual
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